Oracle Of The Week - It's about you and it's about time
I knew this month would be important, all the way back to November 2018. When things were a fog, I saw the light that I would find here in this place.
I had many expectations for myself and February destroyed them all.
I am so grateful it did, I needed all of that space and I needed to take the road back into me, into the remembering of me outside of everything else.
September 2018 was a month that wounded me in ways that I did not know how to live with and I stayed in a time bubble of a form of nurturing that was no longer for me. You know, it was the energy of Netflix, chocolate cake and long rainy days in a bed doing nothing.
But that is no longer how I want to self care. I can actually go into other places of me.
Places I avoided because he was there. And I retreated into the old corner, like I used to as a child.
For some months I relived my childhood, my wounds, my fears. All while I observed myself again believing that loving this man was just a distraction, not the actual embodiment of my nature. I was not ready to feel what I had to feel next and to honor what I had to honor next. I could feel what was coming but I could not be there yet. I was so deeply in shock with how he disappeared from my life, and I had to do nothing but allow myself to be uncomfortable and sad and unsure. I stood there and I took the pain, with no arrogance that I knew what it was for.
I was not ready to open doors and see him there, because I was so sure I had done everything to release him. Again, was that an error? No. I just watched while one part of me continued asleep, continued to struggle and cry. I knew in my heart that this pain was coming from a good place. I knew because I had experienced losing him often. This was just another way to grieve. And I am devoted to being present for these moments.
I cannot explain to people how my heart / mind / soul connection works. They will read me one day and think I know the answer, only to be disappointed the next day when I realized there was more to the question.
I can’t chase everyone in my life asking for them to understand me. I no longer need to be understood and it’s so much better this way. I can stop insisting and start living with others where they are.
I will mutate, change, become something else in 2 weeks and will become unrecognizable. Give me 2 days and people assume I am inconsistent. They don’t know what happens within. They don’t need to. But I need to respect and honor my body and my soul and the relationship they have.
My intention is to be a radical force of transformation, one that leaves the fearful to examine why that causes them so much frustration.
What this all brings me to is the energy of this week and the opening this New Moon and this month is allowing us. Space. That terrifying thing inside you that you need, you really need and you deny yourself for a multitude of reasons to expand and be filled with nothing.
Sorrows come because they must, we are not here to allow the past to bully us into recreating old ways. And we have to grieve and we have to let it die, let the things we cared for become compost and be done with, because we need them to.
You are not struggling, you are just seeing things from the eyes of someone who thinks only the past is worthy of love, and not you NOW. Not you, right here in this moment.
What is right now making your heart burst into flames? What desires and dreams are important to you and why do you keep delaying them? Because the past told you so? The past told you you would fail?
We are worthy of letting the past die and the past wants to die, even when it tells you that you can’t let go. This energy fears death and you must embrace it with love and be ok with the void it will leave.
Is your heat beating for a man that cannot love you? Continue to love and bring that flame into your heart with all the intensity you can feel. Let yourself feel, explore the places that you were afraid to go into because other people existed in them.
The dancer is a fire, and the fire will be what awakens you this week. This month. This year. This life.
Remember what you came here for.
It was not to be buried under old bones.